Saturday, June 6, 2009

mellon collie and the infinite sadness.

unhappy. but life is okay. it's a cycle of emotion, turning its wheel like the london eye. next stop: unknown. less than two weeks until i move into the apartment. i fear no matter where i go, there might be that little rain cloud following me.. i'm trying to get an umbrella. a sturdy one. one that can't be carried off by the wind or get broken by the rain. the pattern doesn't matter so much anymore, i've found. you have one that can match your outfit, but shit--you just end up soaked and cold.

blissful summer nights with my lovely roommate. i'll have my freedom, but that means nothing anymore. jobs are essential, and i know i can't hide from that. i need to get my life in order. i need a job, and i want a more stable direction. i need a more powerful brain and a smaller heart. neurogenesis, please? i'll get it right, eventually. AMOR FATI. i'm trying, nietzsche. if i'm ever going to become a non-biased, emotionally detached therapist, i need to take a little more control. now i know why i always fight for the pants.

blah blah blah. so here i am. i, alexandria, am in the valley. jobless, single, & unsatisfied. i won't settle anymore. i'm getting what i want and where i want to be. i'm going to amsterdam this year. i'm getting a job. and i'm staying single. i'm doing it, all of it. and i'm going to be happy. i'm busting out the secret, and i'm going to read it until my eyes fall out of my head. c'est vrai. bon.

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